I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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