omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize