she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
