remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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