You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
