Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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