He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
