But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
