smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wish my penis had a tongue
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
