I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize