he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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