there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
