Life is so much better after having sex.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
