umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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