Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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