We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
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I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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