Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
