I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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