Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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