Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
