He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
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