Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
