I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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