There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
