yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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