Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
