it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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