wrigley field is MILF paradise
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
