Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
