I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
