If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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