Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
That's when you crack a 10am beer
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
