So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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