Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
