so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
