Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
