if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
