last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
