I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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