Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
