Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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