By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
