Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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