I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
