Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
