I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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