Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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