I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
