Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
