You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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