I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
