i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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