I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
