My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
