Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
is it fun? or sober?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
