Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
