I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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