My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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