The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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