Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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