i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
