Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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