ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
