...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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