you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
