So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
