You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
