The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
