Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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