the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
