I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
