I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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