Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
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Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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