I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
