were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
