I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
